i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
