Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
