The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
