Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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