Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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