ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
