Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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