I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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