I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
