I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
