You really coming over, don't trick.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
