she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
