i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
