yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
