i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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