Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
