Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
