Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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