Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
