I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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