Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
