Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
