why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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