It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
