yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
