It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Randomize
