no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
