i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
