just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
