He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
