This dress was meant to end up on your floor
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
