well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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