NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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