were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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