I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
