Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
