I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
