i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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