Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
