Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
