now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
