i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
