I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
