apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
