enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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