i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Text me some of your sweat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
