Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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