Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
