what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
