so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
