I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
